The Values of Chivalry Live On

Chivalry is a concept about treating others with respect and kindness. In dating, the expression that chivalry is dead refers to men being chivalrous to women. However, chivalry is not gender specific. Chivalry is a set of values and behaviors that embody qualities such as honor, respect, and kindness for the person you are courting, dating, or the person you have pair bonded with 😊

People talk about chivalry mostly in the context of early dating, but honestly, it matters even more once you're in a relationship. The small stuff adds up: bringing home flowers for no reason, making coffee the way they like it, holding the door even after a thousand dinners together. A gesture as simple as giving flowers can still make your partner's day, years in. These small acts of kindness keep the relationship feeling alive long after the early excitement settles into something deeper.

Chivalry is not dead

Some people believe that traditional chivalrous behaviors, such as opening doors for a date or paying for a meal, are still important in modern dating, since these actions highlight that you truly care for the other person.

Chivalry may not be as prevalent as it once was, but it is far from dead.

Can anyone be chivalrous? Is Chivalry gender specific?

Absolutely anyone can be chivalrous. It's not about gender; it's about how you treat the people around you. Whether you're a man or a woman, if you're showing up with kindness, respect, and thoughtfulness, that's chivalry. The form it takes has changed over the centuries, but the core idea hasn't.

Acts of chivalry? Examples of chivalrous behaviour

  • Being polite and courteous: Good manners never go out of style. Treating people with kindness and being mindful of their feelings goes a long way.
  • Being selfless: Sometimes it means putting someone else's needs ahead of your own, whether that's helping a stranger or supporting your partner through a rough day.
  • Being protective: Standing up for what's right, especially for people who can't easily stand up for themselves.
  • Being honest and fair: Saying what you mean and treating people the way you'd want to be treated. Simple, but not always easy.
  • Being a good listener: Paying real attention when someone talks to you, not just waiting for your turn to speak.

On a first date, you can demonstrate chivalry by:

  • Being punctual: Show up on time. It sounds basic, but leaving someone waiting alone at a table sends a loud message that you don't value their schedule.
  • Being a good listener: Actually listen instead of just waiting for your turn to talk. Put the phone away. Asking real questions shows you're genuinely interested in who they are, not just what they look like.
  • Being thoughtful: A sincere compliment works wonders. As for gifts? Keep it small. On a second or third date, bringing their favorite treat or maybe a single flower shows you've been paying attention. It doesn't have to be a grand production to mean something.
  • Being considerate of their comfort: You don't have to lay your jacket over a puddle, but little things count. Offer to take their coat. Ask if the restaurant is too loud. It shows you're looking out for them.
  • Paying attention to nonverbal cues: Read the room. If they look uncomfortable or are leaning away, back off or change the subject. It's about noticing how your date feels in the moment, not just sticking to a script.
  • Being respectful: Respect boundaries. If a topic seems sensitive, don't push it. Avoiding aggressive behavior isn't "chivalry," it's just basic decency. Make sure they feel safe and relaxed around you.